Sericia's Head

I have a terrible cold, have for days.

So I haven't had sex in a while, and can't still, hence, all I want is to have sex.

I use to have this crush on a girl in highschool, we were sort of friends, not in the same year but we would hang out from time to time. Anyway, she's pregnant, seven months along, something like that, and I've seen pictures and she's huge, and.. it makes me feel so old, a high school crush of my is pregnant...

I mean OK she's young, but, I still feel really old, we're not kids anymore Toto.

I had this ... weird dream.

My friend invited me to go on a trip with her to celebrate her first period and her coming of age, it was going to be to this fuck cold place, snow and ice everywhere, I was suppose to take a large butcher's knife, and cut into the snow that would somehow symbolised her being a women. But just as things got started I sported this guy that was a old friend of my brother's.

In real life I had a total crush on him in year 7, I dunno why, I just wanted him to bang me, anyway. In the dream I'm like "Want to sneak off and have sex?" He agrees, we sneak off.

We're in the middle of foreplay, and he tells me he has a strange fetish, and he wants me to dress in a kangaroo costume and hop around the room. So I put this kangaroo costume on, it has a full face mask and a long tail and my arse is hanging out of this thing and I'm hopping around the room and his encouraging me, then just as he tells me to hop on over to him, someone knocks on the door.

He had to leave, and he tells me there is no way he can have sex with me now, because once he is interrupted, he just can't do it, in his words "It's like my penis has been hit with a taser gun".

Bastard, I looked like a total dork in that costume and never got the sex I wanted.

Maybe the reason I don't write anymore is because I rarely stay up this late, without having nothing to do.

But I'd like to say, I'm sick of hard core nerd fans, complaining about the newer Star Wars, I LIKE THEM! And would watch them over the old ones anyday, and I just want to say that I think Luke is the biggest pussy ever, Anakin is like... the best ever, and doesn't bitch or complain and just hardens the fuck up, Luke is so weak!

I only ever really watched those because I had the biggest crush on Harrison Ford, man he is good in those movies. So yeah, and for Darth Vadar, his story interest me.

And I'm sick of this "the new Indiana Jones movie is terrible", GROW UP! These people get so bloody obsessed with these movies and one slight change and they cry like babies. Damien and I were discussing things and in a moment of anger I snapped "These sad pathetic fucks that would obsessed with these movies because they couldn't get laid"... yeah.

I like the new Star Wars, I liked the new DIe Hard, and the new Indiana Jones, and the new Rocky and Rambo, and even if I didn't ... there's no need to throw hissy fits and turn your back on movies you love. I heard a Star Terk (I'm not a "star terker") say they were going to burn all their collections and such because they were upset by the new movie.

Grow up....

I think I have alot... but I'd like courage. I think I might watch another South Park episode... google Harrison Ford and sleep in a while.

I love the way, going away from home makes me want to go home.

 

And how, being away makes me feel like it's home, and reminds me why it is.

It fills me with this sweetness, like I'm seeing my life through rose tinted glasses. It's not perfect but it's what I love.

I just hate the bitterness I have to swallow to get to this state.

I want my home.

I'm feeling grumpy. I think I've had enough holidays, I'm ready to go back to my second part time job, in a sense I'm ready to go back to school, at least if I'm bored shitless there, I'm bored for a reason.

It's sad, I learnt these holidays that I'll never archive my dream of retiring, at 30 or so, to become Peggy Bundy. One, I don't like Oprah, two, I can't stand being home all day doing nothing, it's driving me nuts, I've had enough computer games and needlework makes me tired... and lying in bed watching movies all day reeeallllyyy doesn't do much for brain development.

And Docotor Phil is becoming interesting.

I've tried to set myself little things to do during the day, but there are so many hours in the day. I cleaned out the bathroom today..... exciting? I took the dogs for a walk today, or as I like to call them the three stooges, I'm hungry... but there's not much to eat... and even if I found something to eat, I probably wouldn't want to eat anyway. I might try to finally finish that embroidery I've been working on... I'm actually embroidering my own name into something.

I need something to do. Retirement is going to suck.

Ok, I hate people who make new years resolutions, I have done so in the past when I was stupid, but, I just think it's stupid, you shouldn't need a new year to make promises to improve your life.

But I sort of have, well, no, er, not really. Because I made the decision to change, around the beginning of the new year, but if it had been April I would have made the promise to change.

I want, is to be more like Ashley Blue, and NO I don't mean the actually things she does, as much as I love Damien he is not peeing in my mouth. I just love how free she is, she's this completely open person, who doesn't seem to mind herself, and takes pleasure in whatever she wants, even if there's taboos attached, saying 'this is disgusting by society standards'.

I think for a while there I was listening to dick head people instead of myself, I just need to remember 'if I enjoy this what the fuck is wrong with it', I want to be more like Ashley Blue in the sense that I don't give a fuck, and just enjoy myself.

Like I did last night. And no this doesn't mean I'm getting on my roof and shouting out what I like, I'm just... going to enjoy myself, behind closed doors.

It's very nice to know.... that the trash is still in the trash can.

I found out an old 'chum', from primary school, has had a baby, what the hell is with all these people having children? 

Do people really think it's a good idea 'oh I'm just out of school and not qualified for a decent job, I think I'll pop out a baby', I know, my opinion is bias since I hate children and would never pop one out...

But really, if you want kids, be smart! Don't give your child a shit life just because you felt like having one early. Gad, anyway.

I'm on school holidays, I still have the two part time jobs, but I'm taking holidays for both, and I'm not sure how to handle this. I haven't had this much time off in fucking ages, I don't how to do nothing. I've been so bored, you should see the amount of cleaning I've done today. Maybe I'll bake a pie, I want apple pie.

It's raining too.. not really 'go out' weather, but, I have some things planned, a few people to see.

I think to keep myself amused, I'll remember all the trash in the trash can.

Just thought I would remind you all how AWESOME orgasms are, just had one, well, more than one I think, and oh man. I think I met Jesus.

I was going through a 'dry spell' as I call them, lengths of time where I just don't get off, and no way is it Damien, because not even I can get myself off, and I've ALWAYS been skilled at masturbation... I think everyone is naturally great at masturbation, why else would everyone do it. Anyway, so, I'm back, dry spell is over.

Is it sad, you ask, that this is what inspires me to write here, well, here's my point of view, when I look back at these entries, I want to see things that will make me smile. So fuck ya, this makes me happy.

Oh, we own the new Indiana Jones movie, I would STILL totally do Harrison Ford. I saw this shirt that has Harrison Fords face, with like, rainbows, behind him, seriously thinking about getting one.

Who else do I want to do... OH! New Sharpe movie coming out, would TOTALLY do, Sean Bean, that man in a rifle uniform is sexy beast. I remember once ages ago I found a website that was people writing dirty smut Sharpe stories, some were OK, but the ones where it was Sharpe and Harper doing things together, what the hell.

There's a girl at work, makes me think of ... well, not sure if I should call her a 'friend' or 'old friend', depends if friendships can exist with a total lack of communication...

... You know.

Anyway,  I find her incredibly attractive, even though she's a little nerdy, and it's all because she wears little clips and things in her hair, like a highschool girl.

And her hair is long... and she's a brunette. Her hair is incredibly. Why the hell am I so attracted to hair...

Only thing I miss about the loony tune, was the feeling of her fingernails in my hair.

Hair, hair, hair, hair, hair.

I'm waiting for something to load... I don't have anything to write about, I just need to kill 5 minutes or so while this bloody movie I'm trying to watch loads.

Tomorrow, I'm not getting up. Not early anyway, so I wanted to stay up late, Damien's up early tomorrow so his asleep... I was sitting here and he starts talking in his sleep "I don't give a shit anyway" things along those lines, so I rolled over to make sure he was OK, and he did that thing.

The thing he often dos, which I enjoy, and he never remembers doing, then, starts snoring again.

His sleeping very restlessly tonight, maybe because I'm still up, banging away on the computer... still waiting for the movie to be a little more loaded.

I had a dream ... oh fuck, I don't know how the hell to explain last nights dream. It was fucked, but the light was different, like all the light was being filtered through dirty dusty windows.

Damien rolls onto his back, fixes blanket, opens window curtain, all while asleep. He sleeps so much better than me, I would have to wake up to do that, so many nights I wake up freezing because my blanket has been thrown off, I wish I could do that in my sleep.

I hate waiting for shit to load...

Damien thinks what I did was strong, I think what I did was stubbord

Either way, I proved I'm tough shit, proved that no matter how much shit is thrown at me, I take it, I grind my teeth together and take it, I would love to see someone else take that.

I'm tired, and I'm sore, and Damien has dug too deep for my liking tonight, but his right. I relied on that monster, to keep me strong and safe, to keep me going, alive.

Ding, ding. Next round